The holiday festivities have begun. Friends and family gather for cheerful gift exchanges, scrumptious treats and joyful traditions. The pleasant feelings associated with holiday celebrations aren't the only ones that might be evoked. Grief during the holidays may bring up a roller coaster of feelings.

Loss can come in many forms. The death of a loved one, loss of health or physical abilities, a friendship or romantic relationship ending, divorce, or moving to a new city can all lead to grief. You may go from feeling sadness to anger and regret to resentment. It's possible to feel all of these challenging emotions at once, or in any sequence at all, which may just add to the chaos and make things more difficult. Carrying the burden of sadness while feeling obligated to celebrate the holidays may be extremely trying and exhausting. 

Here are some recommendations for mourning around the holidays:

1. Observe past traditions 

At this time of year, it's natural to reflect on the lives of loved ones who have passed away. It’s also natural to reflect on changes in traditions due to other sources of grief. The holiday season is generally a time for families to get together, reflect on memories, and enjoy the celebrations. Traditions continued in honor of and in celebration of loved ones who are no longer with us can be comforting and reassuring to carry on. It's an effective practice to keep their legacy alive and well. 

2. Create a new tradition 

Flip the script on how the holidays usually play out. Attempting to recreate former celebrations after a loss might leave you feeling uneasy or sad. Travel to your loved one’s preferred holiday destination or favorite restaurant and share a memory with mutual friends or family over a cherished holiday experience you had with your loved one. Light a candle in honor of your loved one or make a memorial ornament for them. If you are facing grief due to new family dynamics or a new physical illness, create a tradition that is uniquely yours. 

3. Establish boundaries and realistic limits for yourself

Consider whether you are up to the same level of responsibility as before, and if you aren't, accept assistance when offered. Grief is an exhausting emotional state. You are free to take part in an activity or to opt out of taking part, whatever feels more comfortable to you. In spite of the fact that you may feel pressured to attend a holiday party or family get-together, it is important to check in with yourself. Maybe you limit yourself to one holiday gathering and set a limit for how long you will attend. You are not obligated to remain the entire time if you show up. Allow yourself the freedom to go whenever you're ready to go.

4. Seek support

When you need help, it's imperative to reach out to people you trust. Ask for assistance from a trusted friend or family member if there is a holiday responsibility you may typically do, but don't have the energy to do it alone. Whether or not you've experienced the death of someone dear to you, the holidays can be a difficult time. Seeking out the aid of a therapist is often a beneficial option as you navigate your grief. 

It's okay if you’re not feeling merry and bright. Give yourself self-compassion. To say that losing a loved one is difficult would be an understatement. It's okay to feel the way you do right now. Treat yourself with care and gentleness.

Authored by: Julianna Robinson, LCSW