It is common for people with overcontrolled personality types to be perfectionists. They may have high standards for themselves and for those around them, and they may strive for excellence in everything they do. While this trait can be admirable and can lead to success, it can also have negative impacts on their loved ones.

Perfectionism can lead to high levels of stress and anxiety, as people with this personality type may feel a constant pressure to perform at the highest level. This can cause them to become overbearing and critical of themselves and others, which can be damaging to relationships.

For those who are close to someone with an overcontrolled personality, it can be difficult to live up to their expectations. The constant pressure to be perfect can cause feelings of inadequacy and low self-esteem, and can lead to conflicts and resentment in the relationship.

Additionally, perfectionism can lead to a fear of failure and a lack of flexibility. People with overcontrolled personalities may be resistant to change and may struggle to adapt to new situations. This can create tension and frustration for their loved ones, who may feel like they are unable to support them or help them to grow and learn. Some ways that your loved ones may indicate that they have been hurt by your perfectionism: 

1. They may express feelings of inadequacy of low self-esteem

2. Your loved one may seem withdrawn and avoid social interactions with you

3. You may notice that the become anxious of stressed around you

4. They might express resentment or quickly become frustrated with you

5. You might experience increased conflict with them as a result of your insistence that there is a “right or wrong way” of doing most things. 

6. You may notice them becoming overly critical of others or themselves as a result of your influence.

Radically-Open Dialectical Behavioral Therapy is a specialized form of cognitive behavioral therapy that focuses on helping individuals with overcontrolled personality traits, such as perfectionism. This type of therapist can be highly effective in improving relationships for this population. 

A core intervention of RO-DBT is the concept of “Radical Openness” which involves letting go of the need to control in order to improve social connections and emotional well-being. This particular intervention can help to identify and challenge rigid thinking patterns, develop greater awareness  of their own emotions, lend to more effective communication and problem-solving skills, create more openness and decrease criticism and develop more fulfilling and satisfying relationships by learning to be more attuned to others and express themselves in a healthy way. 

In short, overcontrolled personality types and their perfectionism can have negative impacts on their loved ones. It is important for those with this personality type to recognize the potential harm of their perfectionism and to work on finding a balance between their high standards and the well-being of their relationships. RO DBT can offer unique and effective approaches to focusing on what is important, assist in letting go of the need to control and create more life satisfaction. As a result of taking this step to create healthier and more fulfilling connections with the people they care about, you can begin to decrease the negative impacts on the people you love most in this world. 

Authored by: Daron Elam, NCC, LPC CCH

Founder and Clinical Executive Director